Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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