If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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