I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
