so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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