He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
