Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
there is puke in my bra ... again
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