Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
