Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the day after is always just damage control
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize