I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
do nipples grow back?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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