I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
All the doctor said was why
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
