im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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