alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
