someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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