Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
