im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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