i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
