I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I have fence marks all over my body
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
