I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize