Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
