why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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