Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
