I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
