I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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