Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
