Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
