I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
