how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
