I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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