Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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