we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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