fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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