I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
And then he peed in my hair
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
