Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
