i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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