if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
