Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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