oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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