I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
