Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
