In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Who died my cat blue again?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
