right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
