WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
