i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he fucked my hip out of place.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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