I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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