You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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