He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
