i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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