How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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