Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
