In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
im six kinds of drunk right now
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
