The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
