well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
