I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
