I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
