Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
