On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize