remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
