I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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