There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
