Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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