never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
