mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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