that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
