I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
