do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
