You're so nebulous sometimes
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
