I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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