She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
A bitchslap is in order.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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