He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize