well I can't set my house on fire every night
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
