I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
