is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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